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Give me your eyes so I can hear you clearly

Writer's picture: Kat PennoKat Penno

I had a client in today who told me of their frustrations and irritation's in changing their behaviours to adjust and compensate for their partners hearing loss. They expressed they were experts in articulating words and annunciating letters, words and sentences for them. These were their words said in a tone of angst. Or was it sadness.


This client came to see me for a tinnitus appointment and what was really insightful, was how much these changes and adaptions in their behaviours impacted there experience with tinnitus. You see, it's not simply an untreated or un-managed hearing loss that can impact ones communication, but a variety of symptoms or stressors that can also impact your main communication partners.


This person has been married for 60 years and to listen to and learn a little of their life story and how their tinnitus fluctuates with these frustrations.... well you can imagine how I felt for them. Do these emotions sound familiar to some of you? If not these emotions, what about the way you might adapt or change your behaviours with your family or friends. Do you compensate to help them or you hear better?


Right before they left, I handed them this (image below) and encouraged them to place this on their fridge in hops that a little unconscious educating could perhaps relieve some of their marital grudges. And if not, at least encourage the family around them to improve their communication behaviours.


Image showing 6 key points for better communication. The same room policy, face to face, reduced distractions and rephrasing the question if need be,
Hear Well, Think Clearly. Communication Strategies.
Communication behaviours to help you hear & listen better 
  1. The Same Room Policy. Talk and listen to eachother in the same room.

  2. Eye to Eye. Give eachother eye contact and ensure face to face communication when possible.

  3. Turn distractions off. Put your screen away, turn the music/radio/tv/podcasts off.

  4. Do not shout. Volume does not equal clarity. When speaking with someone who has a hearing loss, their perception of loudness has changed due to changes in their hearing organ (cochlear).

  5. It's all in your face. Do not cover your face, your lips or your eyes. Facial expressions are cues to filling in all conversational gaps. Lip reading, eye contact and smiles/tears etc all contribute to understanding the conversation.

  6. Rephrase the sentence or question.


Do these seem intuitive or straightforward? 

If you answered yes, then why don't we all practice or demonstrate these behaviours with the people around us?


Often, I believe if these were taught in school and role modelled in the world around us, then we would be communicating in this polite manner more. But, I get it, we are busy people with lots of busy people things to do. What we don't stop to reflect upon is the ageing disposition of our behaviours and how the ageing process impacts the longevity of our communications with the main people in our lives. On one hand, we don't project ourselves into the future that far and we can't envision how changes will impact us. And, on the other hand, we are naive to the nuances of our sensory inputs (sight, smell, touch, hearing, taste) and simply take them in as they come.


The balance of good communication behaviours and truly hearing and listening to someone is a fine act, and one we often take for granted. By no means am I good at it. In fact, my husband will often pull me up for shouting from the kitchen that dinner is ready when my family is in the backyard on their funky monkey bars. My voice has to travel through many walls, doors, windows and more to reach their ears! Do I adjust my behaviors to meet the above strategies? No. I then raise my voice and my frustrations, and yell it out again. Sound familiar?


This isn't an uncommon story. It's a frighteningly common tale I hear of the partner coming in for a hearing check, only to truly understand the compensatory behaviours they have introduced to their partnership or marriage that has been part of the root cause. Don't get me wrong, I am a big advocate for early hearing assessments and proactive treatments (for healthcare in general, and particularly for hearing health). However, we know it takes two to tango, like it takes two or more to communicate.


If you or your partner are thinking it's 'them' not me, they mumble, they don't articulate their words like they used too etc.... then maybe it's time you both got your hearing properly tested. You never know, it could quite literally save your partners frustrations!


Happy Hear folks,

Kathryn Penno





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